Interview round 2

Went to a second round interview on Wednesday. Two and a half hours, first meeting with the people I did my first round interview with for 30 minutes, then an hour with two other people, then another hour with two more people. I had been nervous about it for a week. The xanax kept me calm. Hopefully they were impressed, I need to work, running out of free cash and don't want to ask my family for more money..

Worked for a day

I got a call for a one day contract. It sounded easy so I took it. Did it (with Xanax beforehand) last Friday. Gives me a bit of money.

I have three more interviews lined up. Hope one comes through. Two are for three month contracts, but at least that will get me back to work.

With the end of Daylight Savings Time, I'm definitely aware of it getting dark earlier. Trying not to let it get to me and telling myself that midwinter solstice is a little more than a month away, and that the days will get longer after that.

Am invited to go to New York to meet up with some old friends. I don't think I have the energy to make a trip like that. An afternoon here locally I think I could manage.

More walking

Made myself walk to the end of the street today after realizing that the walking path I'd been taking recently was in a new direction but probably not that long a walk. Also had a recruiter call today about a position. Hopefully something will come of that, I was down for a couple days after an interview where the feedback from the interviewer to the recruiter and passed on to me was generally the opposite of what I was trying to get across. Sad, as that would have been a good position for me as it would have allowed me to work from home after a while.

Still steadily taking my fluoxetine. I take the Xanax for interviews and that's it. Kind of scared of it because it's potentially addictive.

Got all the work on the house for the city inspection either complete or under contract. Fortunately the more expensive things are under contract and the work can't really be done until springtime, so I don't have to pay for them now as I don't have enough cash in the bank for everything right now. Family has promised to send money if I need it, but I'd rather be working and not have to get money from them.

No news is good news?

One place I interviewed contacted me to say they're no longer going to have the position, so out of luck for me there. That was the place I was late due to traffic, so I didn't have great expectations about it. No news from the other place, still hopeful there. Sent out a bunch of resumes last week and today. Got one call for a three month contract position, but I'll take it if it comes to that.

Still getting out for walks. Weather is starting to turn to fall, getting colder and cloudier. Have to keep it up even if I don't feel like it.

I had been waking up without an alarm between 6:30 to 7am, but today I couldn't get up and finally made myself get up around 8:30.

Did two interviews

I had an interview yesterday, and another one today. I was happy with my performance yesterday, and felt I gave an acceptable interview today. I took xanax before both, which certainly seemed to help. Both would have a final interview if I make it to the next level, which I think will happen for at least the one yesterday. So thinking positive there.

Which is good, because getting all the work done on my house that the city said needed to be done in their inspection report is not cheap. I will need to get more money from my family to cover that if I don't get one of these jobs soon.

five days this week

I did my walking to the end of the street today, which makes it five times this week I've done it. Good for me. My bad should is hurting, and doing the thing where the moving ribs irritate the sternum, so I just took some Alleve.

Tired today, I've been waking up earlier the past few days. Yesterday I went out to breakfast at a pancake place. Sometime in the middle of the night my brain started getting that idea, and it continued through the night. I did go for pancakes, but I was seated at a regular table with the type of chair I'm not comfortable in, so I was constantly fidgeting. A comment from my server made me think he noticed my constant fidgeting. I got through it though and ate my pancakes. Wasn't anxious driving there, but was while I was there.

Sometimes I think one reason for my being tired regularly is that my brain doesn't fully sleep. As I said, my brain was making plans for the morning through the night. These weren't dreaming plans, I was slightly awake, enough to know I was mostly asleep but my brain was running some.

Didn't get the job

I heard back about the interview, didn't get it. I spent a night or two overthinking it, but decided I needed to stop thinking about that as overthinking is not good for anxiety/depression. So I tried thinking that I didn't get it because something better for me will come along. I had a phone screen for another job, nothing on that yet. And another phone screen where the job was going to involve lots of travel nationwide, so I had to decline that as there's no way I could have done that. Applied for 8-10 other jobs and haven't yet heard on them. One is exactly what I do, and at the place I interviewed back in March that is basically down the street from me. Hope something good happens on the job front soon.

On the walking front I've been walking to the end of the street pretty much every day. There's pushing needed to get myself back to the house still, so not ready to walk farther yet.

Missed out

I had an interview two weeks ago that I thought went well. Did not have much panic (I had a Xanax before), and it was a job I felt I would be able to do, single location, not too far from my home. Found out this week I didn't get the job though. Disappointed about that. I did a phone screen interview for another position Tuesday, and have another one with a third company Friday.

My days are pretty boring, I am conserving money due to the unemployment ruling that I should have stayed in that job and declining me. My parents have sent some money to tide things over. I want to work again soon so I don't have to take money from them.

Due to some extremely hot weather, I skipped out a few days in a row of walking. I made sure to get back to it though even though I don't generally feel like it. I'm going on walks to the end of the street, and still having panic type thoughts on the walk there. Still, I've done it the past three days.

End of the street, again.

Yesterday after I walked to the end of my street I felt that it might have been the Xanax keeping me calm enough to do it, so today I resolved to walk to the end of the street again. It was harder, but I made it.

Like yesterday, I tricked myself by pointing out that the end of the street is not as far as around my block, only about 2/3 of the distance. The idea was that I would be already walking back by the time I reached the around the block distance, and if I had anxiety be forced to keep walking to get back to my house. Kind of like in the movie Gattaca, where the one brother asks the other how he managed to swim out in the lake with him, and he answered "I never saved anything for the swim back".

Panic surge

I took a Xanax about 20 minutes ago, hasn't really kicked in yet. I was up at 6am because of the interview. Will be leaving for the interview in about 10 minutes.

Later:
I did have another panic surge during the interview but I recognized it immediately and the recognition let me control it well. I thought I gave a good interview. They will be interviewing more people next week so it might be two weeks before I hear. The job is a single site, so no traveling around, and it's internal facing, both of these things are positives for me from an anxiety standpoint. Also it will be basically all stuff I've done in previous jobs, so good from that standpoint as well as it won't be new stuff all the time. So I think this is something I would overall be able to be successful doing with my anxiety.

My other good thing is I reached a long term goal today, I walked to the end of my street and back. This is about a mile of walking according to google mapping. Last time I'd tried this I had a panic attack. I hadn't gone this far all year.

Pre-interview drive to the area

An addendum for the last post: I have strange dreams all the time, whether I'm on fluoxetine or not. My dreams are also extremely vivid, with color, sound, feel etc.

While I don't remember my dreams from last night, I did wake up 5-6 times during the night. Not a good night's sleep. I did something good today though. I drove to the building where my interview tomorrow is, at the morning time it will be at. While I was getting the adrenaline trying to wake up properly, I was able to keep it under control. I told myself that the interview wasn't today, so I could turn around any time. Anyway, I got there (about a twenty minute drive) and I was feeling ok, so I went on to my second goal, stay in the neighborhood for the hour or so that an interview will probably be.

The place is near where two highways intersect, so there's a large shopping plaza. So I got determined to actually go into some stores, and I did! Yay me! I bought some socks to replace all my socks with holes in them. On the way home I even went into the Bed, Bath and Beyond where I'd had a panic attack a few months ago, and bought a pan for the kitchen to replace the old one where the non stick coating was coming off (probably not healthy to continue using it).

I'm hopeful I can do this interview.

Interview coming up

A company I applied at called me Monday for a phone screen interview. They called back today to have me come in for an in person interview. I picked Friday so I don't have to think about it over the weekend. It's the same type of work I have done previously. So the work should be doable as long as the anxiety is under control. Getting called for an in person interview bumped my anxiety.

Went before the unemployment board. The denied me. Apparently I shouldn't have accepted that job and tried to make it work so I could work. They do not have a good understanding of mental health issues. There was no way the company could have accommodated me and I would have been able to do the job duties. Apparently I can appeal again.

Have been having crazy dreams which leave me tired during the day. Last night I dreamt that people from the future abducted me to the future because they needed me to fight some threat. Also the meaty space where my toes connect to my foot had something shaking in it. I opened up the space and it was full of something like cotton balls. I started digging out all the stuff that wasn't me, and wound up with nothing but metal bones up beyond my ankle, like some kind of robot. My foot was filled up with Bic pens to fill out the space under the skin down to the metal bones. Bizarre, didn't bother me as much as it was just weird. Woke up after that. I have crazy dreams like this all the time.

Last few weeks

Had my appeal with unemployment yesterday. Glad it's done with. Hope the result is positive.

In good news, I managed to walk around the block. I had got my walking up to the point I was walking farther than around the block, but doing it in a figure 8 coming back to the house in the middle, in case I wanted to stop. Around the block put me farther from my safe place of my house. It's about 15 minutes walking.

Still having problems sleeping, waking up a number of times during the night, and often needing a nap during the day. I've been having a lot of crazy dreams, like 99% of the world ending in a flood, my ex-wife was also in that one and we had a "child" during the end of the world that literally was a ladybug. The flood finally receded a bit.

Sigh

The last few days have been difficult, as I've been very tired. I've been sleeping more than normal, 10-11 hours. I had an anxiety attack during the night last Thursday. I guess a dream triggered it maybe, but I don't remember what I was dreaming or if I was.

I've got my walking up to about a km a day. That's supposed to help.

Sent out more job application. Still fighting with unemployment over things because I had to leave the job. I've filed all the paperwork requested, but they insist I should have stayed in a job where I spent all day every day having panic attacks.

My father is sending some money, both to live on and to fix all the things the city I live in wants fixed as part of their tri-annual inspection. It's the same as all the past inspections, things didn't change from three years ago, and are plainly visible, but suddenly they're infractions and need to be fixed, sigh.

I ate out, successfully.

Today I managed to eat at a fast food restaurant (Qdoba). The first time I've eaten out, as opposed to getting takeout or delivery, in 5 months. The restaurant was empty while I when I sat down. Two people came in later and sat in another spot, but the lack of a crowd helped I think. I did not have anxiety while I was there. I ate my dinner and left, maybe there for 15 minutes.

This week I also managed to get my homework done for my therapist, getting myself to the store at the mall. As I'd planned, I went right at their opening. I managed for a while, but the anxiety got going when I was buying the stuff. Did not get too far, so I consider it a success.

So overall a positive post, though I haven't done much else this week.

More panic

When I went back for my blood test, I had a panic attack while the person was drawing blood after fighting against it driving there and waiting. I saw my therapist on Monday and nearly had a panic attack there, the only thing that didn't happen was the adrenaline jolt I use to mark when I've had an attack. I felt really tired, like I was going to pass out tired, and nervous.

Last night I had problems falling asleep. It stormed all night long, and this morning it sounded like a thunderstorm went right down my street as there was no light/sound delay for the thunder, and the thunder would boom for a very long time. I was almost as nervous as my cats over the lightning. I hope I can nap instead of panic as my body fights the tiredness. I woke up 4-5 times last night.

In positive news, I managed to go to the library and get a book. I'd picked out the category beforehand and had a librarian take me to the section. I just took one of the books, as which one wasn't important versus just going. I checked the book out and left immediately.

My homework I picked to do for my therapist is to go to the mall and buy some underwear (I need it). I know which store, and I can enter from the parking lot so I don't have to walk through the mall. I plan on going right when they open, so it will be empty and I can park right near the door.

And another two panic attacks.

And another two panic attacks. So tired, today I had one while in my doctor's waiting room this morning. I was out of it all day after that. I heated up leftovers for lunch and ordered pizza for dinner. I have to go give a fasting blood test, I am going to try to do it tomorrow morning, maybe I can get in and out before my body tries to wake itself up enough to have an attack.

Because I worked for a week, the state has wanted documentation on my condition for unemployment. I filled out the forms, but the website didn't accept them. I've spoken with several people via phone, and my doctor had to fill out forms as well. I have to go in to pick the completed forms up, so hopefully I can get those tomorrow when I'm there for blood tests.

Every day I wake up exhausted.

Two more panic attacks

Since my last post, I've had two more panic attacks. Once when trying to buy some pillows at a store (so I can hopefully get some restful sleep). I was in line and stuck. I hope the medication hurries up. Every morning I wake up exhausted and more tired than when I went to bed, and tend to fall asleep in my chair sometime before lunch. I'm not even doing much, so this is doubly frustrating.

Had to leave my job

I had to quit the job. I was barely eating, barely functional, and my lunch hours consisted of sitting in my car at times shaking with anxiety (even at my desk that would happen).

Went and saw my doctor, who put me on meds. And seeing a shrink again as well. Right now I am not functioning well, getting through my days and hoping the meds kick in sooner rather than later.

Monday was hell

Monday was one long panic attack and nothing I did was able to control it. Went home at the end of the day shaking. Shaking all evening, only able to eat some yogurt, a banana, and some chicken and barely that. Finally fell asleep sometime around midnight only to wake up at 2, shaking. It's now 4:30. I need to see a psychiatrist. The medication is not working.

Friday

All the bananas are already eaten. The computer based training sessions yesterday were tough. Today I had training from co-workers. My lunchtime was sitting in my car in a park, tingling all over from the anxiety. I couldn't eat more than a bite or two of the sandwich I bought for lunch. Forced myself to try breathing exercises. Was wondering how I'd last the afternoon, and even if I wanted to just go in and quit. Forced myself back to work and had an hour long training session. Somehow, I did better in the afternoon, I even felt like I asked some decent questions while getting the afternoon training.


At least one day next week I'm going to be shadowing someone, and will have to go to another client site. Also I'm going to be live in the system and start taking calls.

For whatever reason, I did not have an actual panic attack this week. That is, I did not have the giant adrenaline peak followed by a crash. Instead I had a constant high level of anxiety and exhaustion. I think twice I was headed for an attack but was able to control it, including while sitting in the car at lunch today.

I suppose what's going to happen is either I'm going to have a huge panic attack or a lot of my panic is just going to get burned out from being constantly active.

Made it through

Fortunately, today was almost all doing computer training sessions.. Today was an hour at a time. Forced myself to a grocery store and stocked up on bananas and yogurt since I was out of both, in case of more anxiety nausea.

I've made it through two days without having a panic attack, but both days I've been out of it mentally because of the anxiety (whether directly or because of lack of quality sleep). Tomorrow is all training sessions, but I was scheduled for a session ending at 6pm, not digging that. Friday apparently I will have to go out to a client site again. Uggh. Let's not think about that now and just enjoy being at home with my cats.

New step 4

Get self to work.

I went to bed early and woke up several times. Around 4:30 I really couldn't sleep anymore. Upset stomach so I had some yogurt hoping to calm it down. Forced myself to try and slept until about 6am. Still nauseous and stomach audibly churning. Fizzy water and an apple since that's all I can stand the thought of eating right now. Took 2 L-Theanine just now.

Breathe, try to focus on be-ing.

New Job

Not only did I have the interview yesterday, the gave me an offer later in the day and had me start today. So it's been a crazy last two days for anxiety. They needed me to start today because someone was leaving them today and I am one of two people being assigned to pick up their duties.

Not only did I have first day of work anxiety, which caused me to not sleep well at all (I woke up 5-6 times), I was sent right away to meet this person at a client site, and then go to another client site. So a triple dose of going somewhere new anxiety + new job anxiety. I managed to not have an anxiety attack somehow, maybe the L-Theanine was responsible, but I was also totally beat the whole day.

Complete:
Step 1. Get self into the office.
Step 2. Make it to lunch.
Step 3. Make it to the end of the first day.

Next:
Step 4: Make it to end of the second day.

Oh goodness I hope the rest of the week is paperwork in the office and computer based training sessions. At my last job, there were a lot of panic attacks in the first few weeks (getting divorced at the time didn't help). I was able to hide them because I was doing various computer training sessions in my cube. I toughed it out. I have to tough this out too. Day at a time, hour at a time, minutes at a time if I have to. Pet my cats, breathe deeply, get sleep.

Interview

I have an interview at 1pm today. Not my favorite time for one because of the potential to have to wait at the interview site for people to come back from lunch. Financially, I could use the money. I think one of my cats knows something is up, she's been on my lap purring all morning. I've had an l-theanine pill, and will have another before the interview. I took 4 before my last in person interview, and it seemingly helped in that I didn't have a panic attack. The job would be in a new area, so there would be a lot to learn. It would be desk-bound and remote support, which I think would be good as I wouldn't have to go face to face with people when I'm not feeling it.

Small panic attack.

Had a smaller panic attack yesterday, while I was out taking my daily walk, which is not a good time to have one. Frustrating, and I'll have to monitor myself while walking. I had already reached my goal point and was walking back towards my house when it happened. I slowed down my walk to get my heart rate down. My dreams last night were something about moving, Even when I woke up around 5:30 I couldn't break the string and when I fell back asleep they continued. Now I'm more tired than when I went to bed.

cleaned up the garage

Five bags of trash into the garbage, plus rearranged things so it looks much better and more organized. It was good. The 70 degrees and sunshine weather helps.

How did that happen?!

I passed my first two phone interviews for a job, and was sent to the in person interview last Friday with the people whose office I would be supporting. It was more of a get to know you/see if I have horns growing out of my head, than an interview. The interview went fine from an anxiety standpoint even though it was an interview and in a location I'd never been before. I thought I did at least ok. According to the recruiter I was the only person that got through the first two rounds of interviews. They needed someone immediately, so I'd be starting in a week, just long enough for them to do their background check etc. And yet I didn't get the job, they decided they would be "going another way". What the heck? I am bummed out.

Interviewed

Have had a steady stream of relatively productive days. I didn't get the job that was only a few minutes drive away, found out this past Monday. Had two different companies call me wanting to interview me since then, and already did one phone interview with a second phone interview for that company scheduled for tomorrow. Today I've been tired all day, not sure if it was the longer than normal walk yesterday plus mowing the lawn in the evening, or just the chilly rainy weather today.

Can't sleep

Been awake since 2am. Interview at 9:30, and it's quarter to 6 now. Wish I could sleep. If I didn't have an interview being awake wouldn't bother me, because I could sleep whenever I felt like it.

interview coming up.

I have an in person interview Monday, it's a 90 minute session with two different groups for 45 minutes. Trying to stay good and not have anxiety over that. Today I am very tired, yawning and wanting to nap. I've been practicing mindfulness meditation, getting a daily walk (even if it's not long), and taking vitamins and theanine (the active ingredient in green tea).

Went to an interview

I prepped for the interview by driving out to the place over the weekend, so I would know where it was to help reduce anxiety. I still basically spent the entire interview in a panic attack. I answered their questions as well as I was able to, but it did not go well. I was very monotonous and not at all animated and engaging. I was shaking from anxiety before it was over. It would be miraculous if I got a job offer from that.

I am so frustrated. That was one of my good job leads. I'm sitting at home felling all blown out physically and mentally from it. Called a friend, called my parents. Since another place is supposed to call me for an in person interview, I just hope today made for good preparation and so I won't be so nervous next time.

Anxious day.

My ex wife needed some stuff taken care of here for getting her US diploma recognized in her home country. This meant a trip to the Clerk of Courts to get a notarization "certified". I live in a large city, where the Clerk of Courts is in a giant building with no nearby parking. That wasn't going to happen with my anxiety triggers.

I discovered I could get the same things done in another county. So I drove out there and got things certified, only to find out that notary wasn't certified for that county, despite the notary working in a bank across the street from the Clerk of Courts. For the entire process I was struggling with anxiety, as the process involved several of my anxiety triggers. The place I had to go was about 30 minutes of driving somewhere I'd never been, so I had anticipatory anxiety before getting past where I'd been before, anxiety of new places driving there and dealing with the bank and the Clerk offices, and the anxiety of waiting for things to get taken care of.

When I reached the bank parking lot for the notary, I was ready to turn around and drive home. I forced myself through after sitting in the car for 5-10 minutes until I felt a bit calmer. I still had problems in the bank and had to walk around while the notary was writing his stuff down.

The Clerk of Courts office was better, but not by much. This is in a much less populated county, so it was a small building and I could park right there. Mentally it was a bit easier because I'd already managed to get the notarization, and so I was halfway done. Also I really didn't want to leave, and then have to drive out again!

After all that, the notary from the bank wasn't registered in that county, so they couldn't give me the "certification". I have to find a notary that is certified in that county, and repeat the whole process.

Depressed

Currently very tired and sleeping a lot. Or trying to, haven't been able to get to sleep and have been waking up for hours during the night. Yesterday it reached a head when I went to meet a friend for a mid afternoon burger deal, and couldn't deal with being in the place and had to leave. I've taken two naps today.

vertigo after exercising

Beginning in January I have been doing situps and pushups to get myself some exercise, mostly in the evening, I've worked up to 60 of each in sets of 20, and not any soreness the next day.

Last night they gave me terrible vertigo. I've had some vertigo from doing them before but it normally went away quickly. I couldn't sleep, I had to turn the light.on for the visual cue, and upsed enough pillows to be more upright. While the light being on let me sleep, it meant a night of not sleeping much. Woke up about 20 minutes ago and still feel mentally out of it and in a deep fog. Will try and get some more sleep.

no news

I didn't get the job I mentioned interviewing for in the last post. While I had a nap beforehand, I just didn't give a good interview. So I wasn't surprised. I also interviewed a few weeks ago with the company that I was working at. No news there, good or bad, even in response to my followup. That has me operating now on the conclusion I didn't get it, since everything I read online says you hear within 10 days or so.

Since two weeks from the interview was two days ago, I'm still down right now, very tired. The fact we haven't had a sunny day in almost a week doesn't help.

same dream, over and over.

I had the same short dream, testing something in my hobby project, the test being successful, whereupon the dream immediately restarted, for at least three hours straight last night. Before that I was waking up every hour or so. Uggh, beat. Will have to nap before going to my interview today.

Bizzarely specific dream.

My interview with the company I was working for is scheduled for Wednesday. I applied the day it was posted and my old manager emailed me to schedule an interview four weeks to the day of the job posting. I'm hoping this means the interview is a formality. I worked there for over 18 months, so they should know what I can do for them. I'm interviewing with a different company tomorrow. Can't put all eggs in one basket. Here's hoping I get my old job. I've met with some recruiters as well, but nothing has come of that, it didn't last time I was looking either.

Kidney stone was really hurting me last night, had to take two alleve when normally one will do the trick. Woke up twice from the pain. Didn't sleep well at all. I took a nap today but right now I'm really trying to stay awake and it's not even 6pm.

I had a weirdly specific dream last night, and before I'd taken the alleve so that wasn't the cause. I was riding my bicycle to my house (I was some distance away) at 2:30 in the morning when I passed a vet clinic. A well pregnant (7 months or so) young lady was getting off work at the vet, so I offered to wait around while she got in her car, since it was the middle of the night. Her car didn't start, and I wasn't able to fix it, so I suggested we walk to Denny's for some middle of the night food. She said she thought she knew where one was so we started walking. It started raining so I took out my umbrella and covered her, since she was pregnant. We walked along and ran into her mother, who was furious at her for being in the company of this strange man in the middle of the night, and that I would molest her or something. I pointed out that I had no intention of doing anything with her daughter other than going for a mid-night meal (which was true, I just wanted to make sure this 7 month pregnant woman was ok through the night since her car wouldn't start and I figured a 24 hour restaurant was as good as anywhere for that), I just wanted to go get some Denny's and go home. Her mom still protested but the young woman said she thought her girlfriend wouldn't mind and anyway she was pregnant so I wouldn't do anything. We went on to where she thought Denny's was. The place turned out to be one of the old residence halls from my college, and though the dining hall was open 24 hours, we weren't students so we couldn't eat there. So we decided we would go to another place we thought was a Denny's and started walking there. At that point I woke up. I haven't been to a Denny's in nearly 20 years, but in the dream it was very specific that that was where I wanted to go for some middle of the night food.

Overall I've been doing pretty decent this winter, without too many really down days. Even today I'm not so much down as just really tired from last night's kidney pain preventing a good night's sleep. I miss my ex-wife a bunch though, which I can't tell her. I hope she's found someone, though last time I had a dream that she had I was upset, so maybe not really.

Around town

Went with a friend to visit somewhere he wanted to go (Whole Foods of all places). Then we went to Trader Joes, a bookstore, and a burger place. I spent three hours out doing stuff, without a panic attack. I am quite happy with myself right now.

Fish oil

I finally found a brand oil fish oil capsules that aren't the GIANT HORSE PILLS normally sold. The regular size are far too large to be easily swallowed. These are about a third of the size. It does mean I have to take three, but the alternative was zero because I couldn't swallow them. It's supposed to be good for depression. I started a while ago and I'm about 3/4 of the way through the first bottle.

positive thinking holiday

I've had the last two weeks and a day off, due to Christmas vacation and my employment contract ending. My contractor position is being turned into a full time position. I've applied for it, but it's a very large company so things don't happen immediately. Anyway I've been positive on it and viewing it as an extended vacation as opposed to unemployment. It is unemployment, as I am not guaranteed the job, even though I was doing it already as a contractor.

Anyway I went two weeks without having to take a nap. I finally had to today. I've been awake during the night for the past week with a kidney stone. For me they cause a very specific pain sensation, so I know what it is. I also get one every 18 months or so. They're so small they pass by themselves.

I did something good for myself over the holidays and went to the art museum twice. The first time I got anxious, but the second time I did much better and spent an hour there without any issues other than being tired from walking around for an hour. I also went for lunch with a friend another time.

Today I got myself out for a short walk, maybe 10 minutes I wanted to get myself out of the house and get some activity. I got anxious while out walking. I was already tired when I decided I needed to kick myself out of the house for the walk. I was very tired when I got back, and went and napped.