Friday

All the bananas are already eaten. The computer based training sessions yesterday were tough. Today I had training from co-workers. My lunchtime was sitting in my car in a park, tingling all over from the anxiety. I couldn't eat more than a bite or two of the sandwich I bought for lunch. Forced myself to try breathing exercises. Was wondering how I'd last the afternoon, and even if I wanted to just go in and quit. Forced myself back to work and had an hour long training session. Somehow, I did better in the afternoon, I even felt like I asked some decent questions while getting the afternoon training.


At least one day next week I'm going to be shadowing someone, and will have to go to another client site. Also I'm going to be live in the system and start taking calls.

For whatever reason, I did not have an actual panic attack this week. That is, I did not have the giant adrenaline peak followed by a crash. Instead I had a constant high level of anxiety and exhaustion. I think twice I was headed for an attack but was able to control it, including while sitting in the car at lunch today.

I suppose what's going to happen is either I'm going to have a huge panic attack or a lot of my panic is just going to get burned out from being constantly active.