I just found out my father has passed away.

I just found out my father has passed away.

Xanax vs atenolol

Saturday night I had some sleeping problems. Sunday night I was awake at 12:30 am and pretty much couldn't get back to sleep. As a result I felt terrible yesterday, counted the hours until work was over. Insomnia is a potential side effect of the beta blocker. Since I have my trip to work two hours away today, I opted to skip the beta blocker last night and go with a Xanax so I could definitely sleep. Got around 9 hours of sleep. I had been taking the beta blocker in the evening, I think I'm also going to switch it to the morning to help reduce effects on my sleep. Today will be Xanax, as I know much better how I will react and I don't want to experiment with the changed time for the beta blocker while driving for four hours today.

Beta blocker will begin again tomorrow morning, since I will be working locally at what's normally a quiet location.

Zoned out

Thursday Friday were one Xanax each. None this weekend. My doctor prescribed beta blockers for my high blood pressure, I started on them Friday night and was calm and a bit zoned out from them yesterday. I did get all my grocery shopping done without issue. Beta blockers are apparently also sometimes used for anxiety, so maybe that's why. The zoned out effect is apparently until my body gets used to the medication.

Wednesday

Why am I anxious about seeing my doctor for what should be little more than a checkup and renewing of my prescriptions? Breathing exercises....

Yesterday was not too bad. Some of the work I had expected would need to be done didn't, as the equipment functioned as desired the first time. Also the timeline that I thought was this week is actually a month. I had taken two Xanax in anticipation. I managed to eat a basically normal meal for dinner yesterday.

Last night I fell right asleep and slept mostly through the night. Didn't want to get out of bed. I think some of my current anxiety is wanting to nap but can't because of the doctor's appointment soon.

Monday over

Last night I don't think I slept more than an hour at a time all night. The best rest I got was when I finally decided to get out of bed and sit in my chair and fell asleep for a bit. As a result today I was mostly in my office with the door closed, nauseous. In the later afternoon I managed to get some work done.  Between yesterday's lunch when I had some chicken and tonight when I had some chicken and potato salad, I'd been surviving on water, yogurt, kefir, bananas, a bit of cereal (not pleasing for my stomach) and some chicken rice soup from a can (salty and unsatisfying). I'll be seeing my doctor on Wednesday morning for this.

Tomorrow the remote site wants what could be a bunch of work done. Ugg. I did kind of explain to them that I may not get it all done tomorrow because I've not been feeling well.

Between the anxiety, and the nausea, the anxiety has the worse feeling "peak", when I'm having the panic attacks, but I can fight it easier than the nausea via things like breathing exercises and Xanax if need be, the nausea is steadily terrible and energy draining. Being unable to eat normally is hard.

I am better at this time today than I was last week at this time, so I hope my remote site work tomorrow is similarly better.

can't sleep and can't sleep enough

I am alternating between can't sleep and can't sleep enough. Although in both cases I have no energy when I'm awake. The ginseng I ordered for my nausea has shown up, as has the melatonin for hopefully better sleep without needing Xanax. Friday was a much grateful for vacation day for Easter, one I'd forgotten about until Thursday afternoon.

According to my phone I slept for nearly ten hours last night, and only snored for a few minutes. So why did I wake up anxious and not refreshed? I wanted to keep sleeping but my anxiety was slowly rising. Hopefully just my body overreacting to the normal waking up. I still want to sleep, but I will hold out for a mid morning nap. I keep reading that people with sleep issues need regular sleep times, so I don't want to go right back to sleep after getting up and eating some breakfast.

edit: Developed a headache, made it to 1pm before nap. I am anxious today, headache, some nausea, and tired don't help that, or maybe they are making it worse. I tried the melatonin last night, and seem to be having the side effects of it. Trying not to think about the work week ahead. No upcoming work scheduled, but I have to go and take care of the things that come up.

Uggh

Beat and exhausted yesterday. Still beat and exhausted this morning. About to go to work.