I ate out, successfully.

Today I managed to eat at a fast food restaurant (Qdoba). The first time I've eaten out, as opposed to getting takeout or delivery, in 5 months. The restaurant was empty while I when I sat down. Two people came in later and sat in another spot, but the lack of a crowd helped I think. I did not have anxiety while I was there. I ate my dinner and left, maybe there for 15 minutes.

This week I also managed to get my homework done for my therapist, getting myself to the store at the mall. As I'd planned, I went right at their opening. I managed for a while, but the anxiety got going when I was buying the stuff. Did not get too far, so I consider it a success.

So overall a positive post, though I haven't done much else this week.

More panic

When I went back for my blood test, I had a panic attack while the person was drawing blood after fighting against it driving there and waiting. I saw my therapist on Monday and nearly had a panic attack there, the only thing that didn't happen was the adrenaline jolt I use to mark when I've had an attack. I felt really tired, like I was going to pass out tired, and nervous.

Last night I had problems falling asleep. It stormed all night long, and this morning it sounded like a thunderstorm went right down my street as there was no light/sound delay for the thunder, and the thunder would boom for a very long time. I was almost as nervous as my cats over the lightning. I hope I can nap instead of panic as my body fights the tiredness. I woke up 4-5 times last night.

In positive news, I managed to go to the library and get a book. I'd picked out the category beforehand and had a librarian take me to the section. I just took one of the books, as which one wasn't important versus just going. I checked the book out and left immediately.

My homework I picked to do for my therapist is to go to the mall and buy some underwear (I need it). I know which store, and I can enter from the parking lot so I don't have to walk through the mall. I plan on going right when they open, so it will be empty and I can park right near the door.

And another two panic attacks.

And another two panic attacks. So tired, today I had one while in my doctor's waiting room this morning. I was out of it all day after that. I heated up leftovers for lunch and ordered pizza for dinner. I have to go give a fasting blood test, I am going to try to do it tomorrow morning, maybe I can get in and out before my body tries to wake itself up enough to have an attack.

Because I worked for a week, the state has wanted documentation on my condition for unemployment. I filled out the forms, but the website didn't accept them. I've spoken with several people via phone, and my doctor had to fill out forms as well. I have to go in to pick the completed forms up, so hopefully I can get those tomorrow when I'm there for blood tests.

Every day I wake up exhausted.