So tired

Saturday I was well enough to get some groceries at the actual grocery store instead of ordering grocery delivery from online.Not many, as I didn't want to push too far. I managed to mow the lawn as well. The past two days though I've been so tired I can barely get around the house. I had to stop washing the dishes (at least I called the handyman to fix that and the roof shingles Saturday) as I felt like I could barely stand anymore. I laid down and took a nap. I am very tense, I think it's giving me the headache that I had yesterday and today. I have been taking a xanax (or two) a day during the week, and trying to stay off on the weekend.

There is tension because last week was busy at work, to the point that Friday was multiple "need it now" crises and I was working until 8pm or so, getting a call on the way home and having to work remotely on it. I had a panic attack at work near the end of the day, I did manage to control it as I saw it coming.

Today is a holiday, so I was able to nap. I had planned on taking Tuesday as a vacation day to take care of some stuff for my father, but I have to go in for the remaining "need it now" work issue.

I still haven't looked at more than a few of the photos in the box of photos and stuff my family sent that my dad had. I lack the energy/desire, probably as a reaction to his passing.

The rest of the day looks like it's going to be an exercise in putting one foot in front of each other. Let's hope tomorrow brings more energy.

One month

A month later and I am still having energy problems. On the positive side I mowed the lawn in one go on Friday evening, and yesterday filled up a trash bag with some dead shrubs I wanted to clear out of the garden. Also I waited outside sitting on my front porch for 10-15 minutes or so for food delivery.

There are several house things I need to get taken care of. Some shingles came off over the winter, my dishwasher doesn't want to start, I need to get a duplicate key for the garage and the two hardware stores weren't able to make a working duplicate.

Stop and go

With my father's passing, some days I feel ok, and some I feel terrible. Yesterday was terrible, I had dreamed of being chased by zombies most of the night, and felt like a zombie from lack of sleep. On the drive home I had to fight off a panic attack as I was stuck in stop and go traffic from 25-30 minutes.

Tuesday I did fine, until I neared home from my drive. I decided to stop and pick up some food, but I became totally exhausted and barely managed it.