I prepped for the interview by driving out to the place over the weekend, so I would know where it was to help reduce anxiety. I still basically spent the entire interview in a panic attack. I answered their questions as well as I was able to, but it did not go well. I was very monotonous and not at all animated and engaging. I was shaking from anxiety before it was over. It would be miraculous if I got a job offer from that.
I am so frustrated. That was one of my good job leads. I'm sitting at home felling all blown out physically and mentally from it. Called a friend, called my parents. Since another place is supposed to call me for an in person interview, I just hope today made for good preparation and so I won't be so nervous next time.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Anxious day.
My ex wife needed some stuff taken care of here for getting her US diploma recognized in her home country. This meant a trip to the Clerk of Courts to get a notarization "certified". I live in a large city, where the Clerk of Courts is in a giant building with no nearby parking. That wasn't going to happen with my anxiety triggers.
I discovered I could get the same things done in another county. So I drove out there and got things certified, only to find out that notary wasn't certified for that county, despite the notary working in a bank across the street from the Clerk of Courts. For the entire process I was struggling with anxiety, as the process involved several of my anxiety triggers. The place I had to go was about 30 minutes of driving somewhere I'd never been, so I had anticipatory anxiety before getting past where I'd been before, anxiety of new places driving there and dealing with the bank and the Clerk offices, and the anxiety of waiting for things to get taken care of.
When I reached the bank parking lot for the notary, I was ready to turn around and drive home. I forced myself through after sitting in the car for 5-10 minutes until I felt a bit calmer. I still had problems in the bank and had to walk around while the notary was writing his stuff down.
The Clerk of Courts office was better, but not by much. This is in a much less populated county, so it was a small building and I could park right there. Mentally it was a bit easier because I'd already managed to get the notarization, and so I was halfway done. Also I really didn't want to leave, and then have to drive out again!
After all that, the notary from the bank wasn't registered in that county, so they couldn't give me the "certification". I have to find a notary that is certified in that county, and repeat the whole process.
I discovered I could get the same things done in another county. So I drove out there and got things certified, only to find out that notary wasn't certified for that county, despite the notary working in a bank across the street from the Clerk of Courts. For the entire process I was struggling with anxiety, as the process involved several of my anxiety triggers. The place I had to go was about 30 minutes of driving somewhere I'd never been, so I had anticipatory anxiety before getting past where I'd been before, anxiety of new places driving there and dealing with the bank and the Clerk offices, and the anxiety of waiting for things to get taken care of.
When I reached the bank parking lot for the notary, I was ready to turn around and drive home. I forced myself through after sitting in the car for 5-10 minutes until I felt a bit calmer. I still had problems in the bank and had to walk around while the notary was writing his stuff down.
The Clerk of Courts office was better, but not by much. This is in a much less populated county, so it was a small building and I could park right there. Mentally it was a bit easier because I'd already managed to get the notarization, and so I was halfway done. Also I really didn't want to leave, and then have to drive out again!
After all that, the notary from the bank wasn't registered in that county, so they couldn't give me the "certification". I have to find a notary that is certified in that county, and repeat the whole process.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Depressed
Currently very tired and sleeping a lot. Or trying to, haven't been able to get to sleep and have been waking up for hours during the night. Yesterday it reached a head when I went to meet a friend for a mid afternoon burger deal, and couldn't deal with being in the place and had to leave. I've taken two naps today.
Monday, March 4, 2013
vertigo after exercising
Beginning in January I have been doing situps and pushups to get myself some exercise, mostly in the evening, I've worked up to 60 of each in sets of 20, and not any soreness the next day.
Last night they gave me terrible vertigo. I've had some vertigo from doing them before but it normally went away quickly. I couldn't sleep, I had to turn the light.on for the visual cue, and upsed enough pillows to be more upright. While the light being on let me sleep, it meant a night of not sleeping much. Woke up about 20 minutes ago and still feel mentally out of it and in a deep fog. Will try and get some more sleep.
Last night they gave me terrible vertigo. I've had some vertigo from doing them before but it normally went away quickly. I couldn't sleep, I had to turn the light.on for the visual cue, and upsed enough pillows to be more upright. While the light being on let me sleep, it meant a night of not sleeping much. Woke up about 20 minutes ago and still feel mentally out of it and in a deep fog. Will try and get some more sleep.
Friday, March 1, 2013
no news
I didn't get the job I mentioned interviewing for in the last post. While I had a nap beforehand, I just didn't give a good interview. So I wasn't surprised. I also interviewed a few weeks ago with the company that I was working at. No news there, good or bad, even in response to my followup. That has me operating now on the conclusion I didn't get it, since everything I read online says you hear within 10 days or so.
Since two weeks from the interview was two days ago, I'm still down right now, very tired. The fact we haven't had a sunny day in almost a week doesn't help.
Since two weeks from the interview was two days ago, I'm still down right now, very tired. The fact we haven't had a sunny day in almost a week doesn't help.
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