Still decent

For whatever reason I was exhausted over Friday/the weekend. My body recovering from the week I guess. I managed to get the groceries bought and the lawn mowed and the clothes washed, but whew, tired. I had a two hour nap and another one hour nap on Sunday. Sunday night I just laid in bed from about 7pm on until I fell asleep.

Yesterday I had more energy though and got in a whole 20 minute walk after work. Good for me!

Decent

Yesterday I had a small panic attack after moving a bunch of stuff across the offices at work. But then felt improved in the afternoon. Almost dare I say it "normal". Today not so bad either. Work was pretty crazed this morning with 4-5 things going at once. But my stress levels stayed under control. I got through a lunchtime company meeting as well. Often around lunch is when I start getting really exhausted. I make sure I get a good breakfast and have a fruit or something for a snack mid morning to keep my energy up. Usually doesn't seem to work though. And I'm not allowed caffeine since it can trigger or exacerbate the anxiety.

I played a game of Civilization on Sunday and had an interesting time. The map setup was interesting with a large inland lake near my start and I was forced into a patchwork shaped country, with a rival civ. I even won peacfully (via building the spaceship). I'd have to say that playing the gam on Sunday was probably the first time I've enjoyed myself for any length of time in a month.

So far ok I guess.

Monday and Tuesday I did ok. Needed a lunch hour snooze. I was really tired in the afternoons too. It didn't help that I had several meetings Monday and Tuesday including a last minute meeting. I've explained to my co-workers the reason I was out. Still I felt like "I did it!" getting through those days.

Wednesday I felt exhausted from the moment I woke up. I had a panic attack at work because I was so tired I just felt like sleeping, and it was only 9am. I got myself through the day by hiding out at work and getting a number of quick naps on break and at lunch.

At my wife's encouragement, I'm taking B and D vitamins. Of course I'm taking my Fluoxetine as well. I got out for a 15 minute walk yesterday, and also had one Monday. Today it's supposed to rain, so I may be getting my excercise via Wii Fit. I had to be at work an hour early today, which meant getting up an hour earlier. I went to bed an hour early to compensate last night, 8pm. I didn't fall asleep too quickly, but for whatever reason I'm more awake today than yesterday.

I just keep telling myself that every day this week is better than the same day last week, and the week before and the week before that.

Yesterday nap, today ok

I was really tired this morning, but forced myself out for a walk. I got nearly to the end of the street, for a total of 17 minutes walking. I was totally exhausted when I got back to the house. But after a shower and some time I have a bit more energy.

I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow. I'm not sure how that's going to go. They expect me back at/near 100%, but I don't know how long it's going to take to reach that level. At least another week or two. I don't have that much time off. I hope seeing people will give me energy.

Hanging in there.

So far today I haven't HAD to take a nap. I even got some errands done like getting some groceries and refilling my prescription. A whole hour and a half of doing things. Plus I got a 15 minute walk in as well. Definitely ready for napping though, my cats are napping in the sun. They look happy.

Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. Burns

I ordered this and "When Panic Attacks" from Amazon. And I've been going through them trying to do the exercises. I think they are useful. I didn't say easy, because you have to work at them, and motivation is hard when you're depressed. The techniques for confronting panic attacks I think will be really useful, I've already been trying to use them.

The depression stuff I'm not sure about. I'm working it. I have a circular depression right now. I'm tired because I'm tired of being tired. Dr. Burns doesn't seem to give me much to work with. I can have the positive thoughts of "I can take a nap", and "lots of people take naps", but you just can't function in the work world when you have three hour naps like I just woke up from.

I went to get groceries this morning around 10. I was already feeling tired from waking up about quarter to 8. By the time I was paying for the groceries and they were bagging them, I felt like I was just going to fall asleep right there. And then my body gives me an adrenaline shot to keep me awake, so I start getting panic from that. I got home, managed to put the groceries away, and took a 2 hour nap. I woke up and it was almost 1pm, so I made myself eat a bit, some premade potatoes and a cup of yogurt. Then back into bed for another hour plus of sleep.

Yesterday I took a 20 minute walk, but I was so exhausted when I finished that I just sat there. I finally lay down and couldn't fall asleep, so I turned on the radio and listened to baseball for a few hours before falling asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, the radio had still been on. I wound up listening for a bit, then going back to sleep. I got maybe 10 hours of sleep last night. But still so tired I needed a three hour nap after being awake only three hours.