I made a blog. It's a start.

Right now I'm tired/exhausted. I could go to sleep, but I'm afraid. Afraid that I will wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, like last night. Afraid that I'll wake up hypoglycemic because I haven't eaten all that much today. Of course I've had my blood sugar tested before and it was normal. But I knew someone in college who got diabetes and I've been afraid of it ever since. I know it's irrational but I can't help it. Hypoglycemia has similar symptoms to anxiety. My body panics when it's hungry.

I haven't eaten much because I just can't. Today I ate two bananas, a good amount of yogurt, a half a bowl of cereal, some granola bars, a slice of lamb, and a chicken breast stuffed with spinach, and drank a lot of water. The bananas and yogurt are the only things that are easy to eat. The rest I kind of have to make myself eat. I'm too stressed to be hungry.

I've been depressed since April 16th, though I saw it coming a few days before. I saw my shrink and got medication on the 17th. Prozac. From the afternoon of the 17th to midday the 21st I pretty much slept. The 22nd and 23rd I went to work, but got nothing done. I just sat there. Even getting there was incredibly hard, I don't know how I made it. This past weekend I was able to do my laundry and get a few groceries quickly. And I saw the head shrink at the practice, who increased my Prozac from 40 to 60mg. But today I had to leave work at lunch, I just couldn't deal.

When I got home I took a two hour nap. It's almost 7pm. With luck I can get in a good 12 hours of sleep. With more luck I won't wake up nauseous like I have been. Last week I puked a couple of days in the morning. Last night I took a warm shower before bed, another in the middle of the night while having a panic attack, and another this morning. A warm shower and some milk before bed.