Anxious day

Friday at work actually went smoothly., My manager leaving early certainly helped, as I just want to come in, do my job without hearing from management, and go home. Yet from yesterday afternoon until now I've been in an anxious state. Did not sleep well either. One way I can tell I'm noticeably anxious or sick is that my cats lie down on top of me when I'm in bed, which they don't do when I'm not. It's a vague work anxiety. I did not sleep well last night. May take a nap before work.

I don't want to go to work today, but I will.

In trouble at work for helping, but not the way work wanted it done. My previous jobs expected things to be done one way, my current job expects something else. It feels like at least once a week I walk in to work to a "why did you do this" email from management. This does not make me look forward to work.

I am trying to not let my depressive self beat me up too much on this. It has meant I took a Xanax as I was getting the adrenaline flows of anxiety yesterday. I just want to go to work, do the job, not hear about anything from management, and come home. That's what I had for a week or so and it was great. I was sleeping well and everything. Even went and saw my friend and his dog after work. I should focus more on the customer feedback surveys, which tend to come back highly rated.

I woke up today out of it. Maybe from the Xanax yesterday. Maybe from the stress of my management not being happy with the job I did. I don't want to go to work today, but I will. Facing and doing normal things in life that we don't want to is a step in fighting depression.

I worked a holiday this week. I volunteer for those. I figure it tends to be easier/less busy at work, and I get to take another day off instead. Plus I think it makes me more valuable to the company since they need to have someone there and there's not a lot of volunteers.